Greg Stereo

That’s how to succeed in “Internet Marketing”.

You want to make money online? Easy. Just watch what people are doing offline. Right now, infomercials are being shown on TV starring the ShamWow guy and Billy Mays.

For those nerds among us, you know the ones who live in their parents’ basement and spend more time talking to people they’ve never met on the internet than interacting with real human beings, a bit of background.

The “ShamWow Guy” is an infomercial celebrity who did a few infomercials I really enjoyed. One of my favorite lines of his is “We can’t do this all day, folks.” Another favorite line is “You’re gonna love my nuts.” He has a fairly heavy New York-ish accent and spiky hair.

In his Infomercial Life, he has whored for products like the ShamWow! and the SlapChop!

In his off-TV life, he was arrested for allegedly smacking up a prostitute.

Yet his infomercials still run.

And Billy Mays is one the Kings of Pitchmen, with his ALWAYS YELLING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

In his Infomercial Life, he hawked a ton of products and his hair was perfect.

In off-TV life, he died of a heart attack while flying on an airplane. And was found to have some coke in his system.

And yet his infomercials still run. It’s kind of spooky actually, this zombie-Billy Mays telling me to buy his stuff…from beyond the grave…

But here lies poor Tiger Woods, victim of his own dick, losing sponsors by the handful. And dancing on his endorsement grave are “Vince Offer” (you’re gonna love his nuts!) and Billy Mays’ bloated corpse. Their families must be laughing all the way to the bank.

Study on that for a few minutes if you really want to understand marketing. I don’t, I think it’s the devil’s work, but what do I know? I’m just some nerd living in my mom’s basement talking with people I’ve never met in “real life”. What’s so real about it, any way?

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